Most leaders don’t know that when you ask a question and your team members respond with, “I don’t know,” that they mean it?
Eighty-five percent of your team members are not self-aware. They don’t ask questions like:
- Why did I say that?
- Why did I do that?
- What caused me to react that way?
- Why have I married three times and every time ended up in the same relationship even though it was with a different person?
You cannot manage your emotions if you are not aware of why you have them. If you can’t manage your emotions, you will not be able to manage your relationships.
So…what really matters in your life?
Your ability to intimately know who you are.
One of my coaching clients who I will call, “Barb,” called me yesterday to tell me that she finally found out why she becomes a warrior when backed into a corner. We’ve been working on her tendency to lash out towards her partner for weeks.
Barb told me a couple of weeks ago that she loved being a bitch, because it gave her power.
My response was, “Really? So…the rest of the time you are powerless?”
Barb didn’t like my response, but I’m not in the business for people to like me. I’m here to assist people to look deeply into themselves to discover the whys.
Barb’s why was because when she was ten years old, her father died. All the people around her treated her like she was too young to understand. They didn’t have honest conversations with her, leaving her out of the loop when discussing their heartaches, worries, and anger.
Barb felt powerless. Powerless to bring her father back. Powerless because nobody heard her or saw her. Powerless because she felt that God had abandoned her.
What happened to you five, ten, twenty, or thirty years ago, if left unexamined, can control your life today.
Most people poo-poo that their past is the reason for their current relationships and situations, and for that reason most people won’t do the work necessary to evolve.
Because Barb is brave enough to be honest with herself, her relationship with her husband is improving. Her life is evolving.
Most people won’t do the work. Don’t be like most people!
Be unique. Take the time to unravel your whys to free yourself to move forward in life.
“Don’t let your past be the reason why your tomorrows are unpromising.”Coach Winn
P.S. I present a breakout session on Followership: Who Would They Be Without US and The Seven Key Elements of Winning Teams. If you or your company are not exhibiting championship qualities, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Building winning teams is what I do.